W1LDFL0W3RS

well, hello there!

here’s to all of you who are still reading and following along on this journey i call life! to everyone who has been supporting me through it all, the last you probably heard is that i was leaving the race.

which i did. 

and then i moved to Tennessee to work on a chicken farm for Tyson. and then i traveled to Medellin, Colombia for more missions. and then i moved to San Diego for school. and then i came home to be packing up once more to leave for the peach state itself–good ol’ Georgia. 

needless to say, i’ve had a hard time doing what some like to call “sitting still”. when i left the race nearly an entire year ago, i had no idea what God had in store for me and was incredibly confused about everything that had to do with anything. it was rough. but then He brought me to the rolling hills of Tennessee’s backcountry where the most amazing family welcomed me in as their own, loved me, held me, and helped me to sort through all the initial pain and heartbreak of coming home early. 

the day after coming home from that season of healing and restoration, i left for South America once again for the call to more ministry. it was through this trip that God changed the entire rest of my life’s trajectory for 2021. it is was the difference between me living the “college life” and finding one of the most Jesus-loving friends i’ve ever had the honor of walking life with, learning under a spiritual mentor perfectly placed in my path by God, and stumbling across a church with a pastor who challenged and loved me in ways i never could have anticipated. it was the difference between living a semester of sheer whimsy and a semester of deep intentionality. 

from the word “go” when i originally left for school, i never felt like that was where i was meant to stay. but i also know now without a shadow of a doubt that’s where He wanted me to be for that time. in fact, i can look back at every step i took since the first one off the plane from Costa Rica that those were the steps He wanted me to take. throughout the midst of it, i felt like a deer in the headlights–totally lost, running through the dark, blinded by a life of choices, relationships and mistakes that surrounded me, waiting to get run over and just call it quits at any moment.

kinda morbid, i know. sorry. but the point is that despite how incapable and lost i felt, my Abba Father never let me go. He let me question and search. He let my curiosity rise and fall. He let me test limits and smack my face in the process. but He never let me get away from His loving embrace. even when i had every intention of throwing everything to the wind and giving into my every fleeting desire as a college student in southern california, His faithfulness never failed to draw me closer to His heart with each passing day instead. over the course of the past year, i’ve learned what it is to search for satisfaction and never find it apart from Him. i’ve experienced relationships torn and relationships restored. i’ve felt heartbreak to the core of my very being and watched the Lord move in ways so undeniable that His Spirit felt more real than very breath i breathe. i’ve had strangers on the streets of LA pray over me and drug addicts in the bronx of Colombia cry over my pain rather than their own. i’ve sat with finding my identity in who He says i am as His daughter, for Him to be my first love, and for Him to simply be enough–to simply let being HIS CHILD be enough. and finally, i’ve re-learned the importance of what it is to trust Him through it all.

like i said before, i never felt like San Diego was where i was meant to stay. so in waiting on the Lord to show me where He wanted me instead, i was led down the path of doing a discipleship program called CGA or “Center for Global Action” for the next 5 months in Georgia! this will look like living with other apprentices who have completed their own worldrace trips, studying His word, asking the hard questions in class each day, house church and family dinners and lit worship. and to top it all off, i get to apply what i will be learning to the working environment with my new coworkers at my new part-time job!!

now before i get all excited about this news, i should mention that a lot of people in this past season have asked me what i’m looking for or what i’m running from in all this sporadic jumping around. that’s fair. and has a lot of truth to it. but all i can say is this past season has been one of healing, stacking stones, restoration, and living life to the fullest capacity that God created His children to experience! in moving to Georgia, i’m done with the running. the Lord has blessed me with the redemption needed to step into this next chapter with fresh eyes, new anticipation, unforeseen adventures, and a heart of celebration. don’t get me wrong, the idea of committing to something after a whole year of doing the opposite feels weird. scary even. but i’ve learned it’s in the commitment to something that you find who you truly are. it’s in the beautiful moments and laughter-filled memories but it’s also when you push through the tough parts and even press into what grates you the most that you find yourself along the way. i’m overwhelmed with the excitement and hope for CGA to be a place for me to step into my full potential for Christ. a place where i can choose into community even when i don’t want to. a place where i can use my talents for His glory. a place where i can grow in self-discipline. a place where i can be vulnerable and be the daughter God created me to be, to stop the running, and to start taking others along on the journey with me. a place to love others courageously, to live deeply, and celebrate perseveringly. 

i write all this partially to give y’all an update on what i’m doing and hopefully where i’m heading, but i also write all this to potentially stir in you some questions about your own life. is the life you’re living one of deep intentionality or one of sheer whimsy? is it a life where you are stepping out in bold courage for Jesus or running from everything He trying to offer? i don’t say this as though after 2021 i have all this wisdom and thus have it all figured out.

not. even. sort. of. close.

BUT, i do encourage you to sit with the Lord and ask Him to search your heart. are you ready to make the leap of passionate commitment to something, SOMEONE bigger than yourself? to surrender yourself to the adventure of becoming who you are not yet? to stop going through each day with buried hopes, unused talents, dispassionate attitudes, and slothful minds? i know i sure am. and i know that as a child of God there’s no fear for me or for you in the terrifying pursuit of it.

praying for y’all always,

bri-dawg <3