Car Radio

“I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I just bought
Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence.”
– Tyler Joseph

These are the lyrics that run through my head as I lay on a yoga mat, on a tile floor, in a church, in the middle of Costa Rica…

Hola Amigos!

So I actually wanted to write this about a month ago, but as you will soon find out, the reason for me not posting this until now is the same reason for which I am posting it.

About a month ago—in a different city, a different ministry, a different mindset—I was sprinting back and forth down the alley outside the church I called home. I had my headphones in and attached to the phone clenched within my fist.

Then I dropped it.

Or should I say, I catapulted my phone into the concrete beneath me while moving at the fastest possible speed I could force my legs to go.

It broke.

The screen no longer responded to touch, and so I was faced with 2 options. I could either go into town the next day and easily get it fixed by a local place (which, by the way, is a very abnormal thing to have access to a shop like this on the WorldRace) or intentionally leave it broke to accept the challenge of living without my phone for an undefined amount of time.

I actually didn’t care that I couldn’t use the internet (for the sparse time we got access to it in the first place) or take pictures or call home or any other reason one might use a pocket-sized computer…that is…except for MUSIC. The funny thing of this situation and it’s timing is that for the week or two before this I felt the Lord calling me to give up music. A music fast if you will.

I love music. Deeply. I run to it when I’m sad, listen to it to be taken back to specific times and places, use it to tune out the world around me, relate my feelings and emotions to it, use it to hype myself up, to get my blood pumping in a sweaty workout, to praise the Lord with it, to fall asleep to, to admire, and to smile from hear to ear from it. I’ve always loved music and being a musician myself. I didn’t know what it was to be without it.

The Lord pointed this out to me.

I realized I ran to music as a safe place, a refuge, instead of to the Lord or the people around me much more often than I should’ve. The very reason I was sprinting while listening to obnoxiously loud rock music was to get out frustration I had toward an interaction with a teammate. I was running to music instead of taking it to the Lord and then taking it to the people it concerned. For reasons just like this, I have been realizing more and more I didn’t think I could EVER give music up. Not even for Jesus.

This was a problem.

I knew music was teetering on a line of idolatry for me, if not already an idol. And while all this is ruminating in my mind (a week before my alleyway sprint) my headphones break. However, I came prepared with two back up pairs in my pack. But then this. Then my entire phone—busted.

Ok, God. I get it. Music fast it is.

So in this moment of to be or not to be, I decided not to get my phone fixed the next day. We still had a couple weeks left at this ministry, so I knew I had plenty of time to get it fixed when I wanted to. Once we left though, there was no way of knowing if I would ever be in a place where I had the option of getting it fixed until possibly standing on US soil this coming June.

The more I took it to the Lord, the more He told me to wait. “Just wait. I’ll tell you when.” So I waited. One week. Two weeks. How long again? I don’t know. Only Jesus does. We leave our ministry. “Will I now have to live without music until June?” “Just wait”.

Going back to the moment I find myself laying motionless and emotionless on the floor, I’m thinking of music and the lack thereof.

It’s only been a day without my music.

Needless to say, letting go of my music was one of the hardest things I’ve given to the Lord. Now don’t get me wrong, I did have “access” to music. It was just when others happened to play their own out loud or for worship; and what happened in these moments of sweet melody was that I cherished and savored music so much more. It was a gift. And I realized it was a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

I also found myself going more and more to that quiet place occupied solely by me and Jesus. I didn’t have anything to fill that space with or use to comfort me anymore other than Him. I also also found myself more and more present with those around me, as well as more aware of how often I willingly chose to choose out of my team and into music.

It grew me. It grew my relationship with the Lord and fellow racers. It grew my trust and strength in giving the distractions and temptations of this world to my Abba Father. It gave me little moments and showed me just how many of those memories I was missing out on before—with those very relationships I was now able to dive deeper into.

After about 3 weeks without my phone, I ended up needing to fix it for reasons other than music. Thankfully, the Lord provided a way for me to do this. Although the fast was not nearly as long as I was mentally prepared for, it still got the lesson across. I had let something so important in my life become SO important that it ultimately took away from that very life I was trying to live. Something that in and of itself is not always a bad thing, rather a gift. But altogether still an easy foothold for the enemy to use to distract and derail.

What are some things in your life that are distracting you from the Lord and the people around you?

What do you run to instead of the Wonderful Counselor Himself? Or maybe use to run away from other things?

What tempting distractions could the enemy be using in your own life to lead you away from all the good things and moments and people the Lord has waiting just for you?

Ask the Lord to point out what those things are in your life. The Spirit WILL answer you and prick your heart with them. And when He does, it might be difficult or not what you want to let go of. But I promise, letting go and giving it to the Lord in total abandonment, even just for a little bit, will bring more growth and blessings than you could try to make up.

Thank you, Jesus. Even for the hard stuff.
– Bri-Dawg